I had been Alice in my personal life for a long time. I was already using my name socially and legally, but at work, everyone still knew me by my old name.
Keeping that going was getting harder. I was maintaining two versions of my everyday life: my old name at work, Alice everywhere else.
The opportunity to change that came when I was moving to a new project with new people. During onboarding, the project manager, John, had checked why I’d supplied Alice as my legal name while Teams still showed my old name. It was another moment when those two parts of my life met.
A new project felt like the perfect opportunity. I was also planning facial feminisation surgery, and I expected the changes would make my transition more visible. A few things were coming together, but I needed time to think.
A decision in the mountains
I took a few days off and went to the mountains in Boone, North Carolina, with my wife.
I left with a firm decision: I was going to come out at work as soon as possible.
On the Monday I got back, I called HR. They told me it was my journey, that I could do it the way I wanted, and that they would assist.
I drafted an email. HR suggested a few edits, and then it was ready.
I chose to send it to people I had worked with, people I liked and felt I could trust. It came to about sixty people. I wasn’t announcing it to the entire company or department. I was starting with that group.
The email was a reintroduction: I was Alice, and my pronouns were she/her. That was it.
Pressing send
I sent the email from the account that still displayed my old name. Afterward, we started the process of changing my display name to Alice and updating the few remaining places.
But in the moment after I sent it, it felt like the air had left the room.
I wanted to walk away, but I couldn’t.
The first reply came quickly. David P wrote to express understanding and support. His daughters had friends going through the same or similar experiences, he explained, so he had some understanding. It was a hugely positive first response.
Jaison was the second to reply—the same Jaison who had previously called to ask why he’d been assigned a project review for Alice. Brandon, my former manager and the first person at work to ask about my pronouns, called me.
The emails kept coming. Every reply was positive. Many, many more arrived over the following days and into the next week.
And people immediately started calling me Alice.
Hearing my name
Hearing my coworkers call me Alice was euphoric.
It still is today.
It hits hard, and it hits deep.
Nobody struggled with my name or messed it up. I did, though.
Within those first few days, I introduced myself during a presentation using my old name. I also answered the phone with it once or twice. Or more. Doh.
After all that worry, I was the one running on habit. It’s all okay now.
No more double life
I’m happy I did it. Looking back, I wish I had done it earlier.
Being known by my old name at work while being Alice everywhere else had become hard to manage. Coming out meant I could finally stop keeping those parts of my life separate.
I could just be Alice.